Incline
by ShadowSilk
Summary: In which Near orchestrates a scheme to secretly board a large roller coaster, after being declared 'too short.' As an unfortunate amusement park employee is about to learn, this vertically challenged boy is not to be taken lightly. Crackfic. Oneshot.


**Author's Note**: My second Death Note fic, featuring the Wammy House kids. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Death Note belongs to Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

"I'm sorry, but you're too young to ride the Steel Dragon."

Near glared at the woman. His eyes were like ice.

"I'm _eighteen_."

The woman laughed, revealing a neat row of lipstick-smudged teeth. Her blond ponytail bobbed.

"Nice try, honey."

Near's lips were twisted in an irritated scowl, making him look much like a petulant child. "I'm telling the _truth_."

Tapping her lip, the woman squinted as she scrutinized him. Finally, she shook her head.

"Sorry, kid. Even if you were eighteen, you're just too _short_ to ride this rollercoaster."

The woman waved him off with one hand.

"Check out the kiddie rides. Maybe you can ride this one in a couple of years."

Near shoved his hands into his pockets and turned on his heel. As he walked away from the line, he narrowed his eyes.

"I _will_ ride the Steel Dragon."

* * *

The phone rang. And rang again.

Sighing, L set down his bag of cotton candy and reached for his cell phone. He flipped it open with his thumb.

"L."

It was Near. He sounded irritated.

"Where are you?"

L nibbled on his thumb. "At the food court."

There was a hiss of static as Near let out a sigh.

"You're binging on cotton candy again, aren't you?"

"…Uh-huh."

"You're going to get diabetes."

L was holding up the puffy bag, examining it with one eye. "I haven't yet."

There was a pause. "L, I need you and Mello to come down to the roller coasters."

"Why?"

"I…have a situation."

* * *

Ten minutes later, L and a very grumpy Mello found Near sitting outside a large gate, which led to the roller coaster section of the amusement park.

"You interrupted me just when I was winning at Whack-a-Mole," Mello harrumphed. "What is it, Near?"

The white-haired boy was crouched on the ground, twirling a lock of hair. He looked at his feet.

"…I'm too short."

L was fishing around the bottom of his cotton candy bag. "You're too short?"

"To ride the big roller coasters," Near said. "I'm too '_short_.'"

Mello burst into laughter. He held his sides as he gasped for breath.

"It's not funny," Near said in a patronizing tone.

L peered into the bag. He turned it upside down and shook it.

"I'm out of cotton candy," he said sadly.

"I don't have time for your problems," Near said impatiently. He scowled. "I will _not_ ride on the children's roller coaster. I refuse."

"So, what then? You want us to help you come up with a scheme to sneak in and ride the Steel Dragon?" Mello chuckled.

Near met his eyes, his expression dead serious.

"Yes."

* * *

The three were crowded around a small picnic table. To the right, L was protectively clutching a bag of cotton candy, while Mello snacked on a chocolate bar. Near was poking at a small pile of Legos. The odd group was recieving a wide host of strange looks from passerby.

"I have a plan to get that woman away from the roller coaster entrance," Near said, doodling a frowning face upon a small Lego piece. "It involves the Death Note."

At the mention of the notebook, L raised his eyebrows.

"You're too rash. You need some information about the woman first. Find out her name and plug it into the databank, and see if there's any information we can use."

Mello crumpled the chocolate bar wrapper between his hands.

"Fine," Near flicked the Lego piece on its side. "We'll do it your way."

"I think we should just do this the easy way," Mello sighed, crossing his ankles. "Wear platform shoes. Adds some inches to your height. It's just a roller coaster, for god's sake."

Near gave him a blank look.

Mello held up a hand. "Fine, fine." He rolled his eyes. "Was the woman wearing a name tag?"

"No," Near answered. "She was not."

L, who was poking at the sugary mass inside the cotton candy bag, suddenly spoke. "Soichiro."

A faint smile appeared on Near's lips.

"Of course," he said, nodding.

"The Shinigami eyes."

* * *

Yagami Soichiro spotted them in the food court. They were all huddled around a small, shabby picnic table. He began to run towards them.

Mello looked up, breaking off a piece of chocolate with an audible crack.

"Hey," he said cheerfully, "look who's here."

Soichiro slumped onto the uncomfortable bench, breathing heavily. A rivulet of perspiration trickled from his forehead and disappeared into his collar. Though he ardently denied it, especially to his wife, Soichiro was clearly out of shape.

"I came here as soon as I got your message, L," Soichiro breathed. "What's the emergency?"

Without a word, L pointed to a towering structure off in the distance.

"Near is too short to ride the Steel Dragon."

Soichiro was confused.

"Excuse me?"

Near snapped two Lego pieces together.

"I'm too short," responded Near, "to ride the Steel Dragon, the largest and fastest roller coaster here." He did not bother to mask his resentment.

"You called me over because this kid can't ride a roller coaster," Soichiro said incredulously. He pointed at Near, frowning. "Do I even know you?"

Near gazed at him unnervingly.

"I don't think we've met yet. I'm Near."

Soichiro's eyes widened.

"_You_!" he said, pointing at Mello. "What are you doing here, you scoundrel?"

Mello shrugged. "Near invited me." He took a large bite of chocolate.

Soichiro closed his eyes, trying to stay calm. It was proving rather difficult.

"L," he said, his eyes still shut, "what do you need me for?"

L delicately plucked a puff of cotton candy from his bag.

"We need your Shinigami eyes."

* * *

Near pointed at the woman manning the entrance to the large roller coaster. She was leaning against the archway, whistling.

"Her."

"All right." Soichiro's eyes flickered scarlet. He squinted.

"Her last name's Kanai…first name's Yuki."

Near stared at her. "Excellent."

He motioned for Soichiro to follow him.

"We're going to do a little research on Miss Kanai."

* * *

"Kanai Yuki. Lives in the Chuuko apartment complex of the Soukutsu District."

"Chuuko," mused Mello. "Isn't that complex right next to a graveyard?"

L nodded. "Yes. I take walks through there all the time."

Soichiro glanced at him. "You do?"

The detective shrugged. "It's strangely cheery."

Near tapped the keys with one fingers. "There have been complaints from neighbors."

"What sort of complaints?"

"Apparently, she keeps a multitude of animals in her apartment. Animal control has been called many times."

"Other than her pets, does Miss Kanai live alone?" L looked vaguely interested.

"Yes."

Soichiro looked puzzled. "And what information does this give you?"

Near doodled a small dog's face on one of the Lego pieces. "She is most probably afraid of the supernatural, because of her close proximity to a graveyard. She seeks companionship from a large number of animals to ease her loneliness and fear." He picked up the small plastic piece and popped off its head.

L popped open another bag of cotton candy. It was his sixth that day. "Good. I hope you see the benefits of gathering information beforehand." He pinched a pink fluff of spun sugar between his fingers. "You can't just rush into these things, Near."

"Well, it's better than being dead."

L regarded him quizzically.

"What do you mean?"

Near looked askance at Soichiro, his expression impassive.

"I need the Death Note. Please call someone from your investigation team to bring it over."

Soichiro's eyes widened.

"The _Death Note_?" he asked incredulously. "You're not going to…kill her? Just to go on a _roller coaster_?"

Near smiled. It looked rather awkward, as if he was out of practice.

"No," he replied, grinning unnervingly, "I'm going to do something…else."

Mello raised an eyebrow as he unwrapped another chocolate bar.

* * *

Matsuda scrambled in, a black notebook tucked under his arm like a football. Ryuk floated alongside him, grinning like a madman.

"I got it, Ryuuzaki-san!" Matsuda announced merrily. He slid the Death Note across the paint-peeling table.

L carefully held it between his thumb and forefinger. He looked up.

"Good afternoon, Ryuk."

The Shinigami gave a jaunty wave.

Near motioned for everyone to lean in conspiratorially.

"Here's the plan."

The white-haired boy spoke in quiet tones, demonstrating his plans with Lego pieces.

Ryuk chuckled. Humans were so amusing.

* * *

A grumbling Mello followed Near into the line for the Steel Dragon. He wore a long dress and sunglasses. A floppy hat was pulled down over his face.

"This is stupid," Mello growled. "I do _not_ look like a woman."

Near didn't reply.

They were nearing the front of the line. Kanai Yuki manned the gate, holding a measuring stick with one hand.

Near clutched the Death Note to his chest.

"Remember your line," Near said under his breath.

They were at the front of the line. Yuki glared at Near.

"I've told you already, kid. You're too young. And short."

"Excuse me," Mello said in a high-pitched, strangled voice. Yuki looked at him, surprised.

"My son just wanted to show you his picture book," Mello continued. He laughed nervously. "You know how little children are."

Yuki leaned down, meeting Near at eye-level.

"Okay, I'll humor you," Yuki said brusquely. Her teeth were still smeared with lipstick. "What do you want to show me?"

Near said nothing. He held out the Death Note, making sure to face the cover away from her. That way, its title was hidden.

"A coloring book?" Yuki asked, confused. Near nodded.

"Go on, touch it," Mello pressed. He sounded like he was choking.

Unsurely, Yuki brushed a finger against the cover.

Near pointed upwards. "Now you can see my friend."

"Imaginary friend?" Yuki laughed. She looked up. "Little kids are so…"

A large, floating, blue-skinned demon wiggled his fingers at her. A jolly leer was pasted on his face.

"Hello, Kanai Yuki."

She screamed.

Shrieking, Yuki plowed through the line. She didn't stop running until she reached the small apartment she shared with her forty-seven pets, where she promptly hid in the pantry.

"Good job, Ryuk," Near said quietly, handing the Death Note to Mello, who tucked it into his purse.

A black-haired man pushed his way up the line. He wore the amusement park employee uniform.

"Alrighty, come on in!" he said.

"Thank you, Matsuda."

The man saluted Near cheerfully.

Near, Mello, and Ryuk passed through the gate and made their way to the roller coaster.

* * *

The ride was over in a couple of minutes. Moaning, Mello staggered down the stairs leading to exit. Near and Ryuk silently followed him.

"Guh," Mello groaned. His skin had taken on a greenish tint. "I shouldn't have eaten all that chocolate."

Near watched as Mello ambled forward, clutching at his stomach. His floppy hat fell over his eyes. He crashed into a pole.

"Augh!" Mello clutched at his face. He glared at Near through his fingers. "Well, I hope you're happy, Near."

Ryuk let out a raspy, delighted laugh.

L and Soichiro were waiting at the exit. The former was holding a giant swirly lollipop in one hand.

"How was it?" L asked.

Near looked thoughtful.

"It was sufficient."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Hope you liked it! Reviews would be love.


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